I spent some time yesterday trying to come up with some response to agentsteel53's assertion that horse racing is "cruel and senseless", but nothing persuasive came to mind.  Probably because I'm no fan of the sport.  The kind of racing I like involves four wheels and an engine that burns methanol or dead dinosaur flesh.  All I could think of is that humans have been racing horses almost since they domesticated the beasts, and at least in Western cultures, with horses bred and trained specifically for racing, what you're seeing are the superstar athletes of the equine world.  If one doesn't have a problem with watching humans sprint around a track, then I'm not sure why one would object to horses doing the same.

That doesn't make the news that Eight Belles was euthanized following her race in the Kentucky Derby today any easier to swallow, of course.  Eight Belles, the only filly in the race, finished second behind favorite Big Brown, then collapsed with both of her front ankles broken.  She ran "the race of her life", as her trainer put it.  Ain't that a shitter?  You finish in the money and get turned into glue.  And you have to wonder if it was a wise idea to run Eight Belles against the boys, when there's a race held the day before (Kentucky Oaks) just for the fillies.  I don't know enough about the sport to say for sure.  All I know is, we saw a horse literally run herself to death.

I still can't say if horse racing is a brutal, inhumane sport, but I sure don't see the point of it, either.

John Elway had the helicopter, and now Eli Manning has the Great Escape.  That was the play of the freaking decade, Eli scampering away from what was surely a drive-killing sack and finding David Tyree downfield, who held the ball against his helmet for a 32-yard reception and eventually leading to Plaxico Burress' game-winning touchdown catch.  Thus ends one of the greatest upsets in NFL history.

Awesome games always have awesome plays, and that was one of the best.

I had the GMAC Bowl on the tube last night, mostly for background noise, as the game itself was a joke (as 63-7 blowouts tend to be).  But I looked up just in time to see one play that made it all worthwhile.  Check out this apocalyptic hit:



Yeah, get some of that.

Subject line courtesy of Daffy Duck.

Fine time for the Rockies to start playing like a team that's never been in the postseason.  Jesus.

The only positive to take from tonight is that Josh Beckett can't start the next three games.

Hey, Eric Byrnes: are the Rockies outplaying you now?

A former Mexican presidential candidate finds a real-world application for his political skills:

After a humiliating defeat in Mexico's presidential election last year, Roberto Madrazo appeared to be back on top: He'd won the men's age-55 category in the Sept. 30 Berlin marathon with a surprising time of 2:41:12. But Madrazo couldn't leave his reputation for shady dealings in the dust. Race officials said Monday they disqualified him for apparently taking a short cut — an electronic tracking chip indicates he skipped two checkpoints in the race and would have needed superhuman speed to achieve his win.

According to the chip, Madrazo took only 21 minutes to cover the 15 kilometers between the 20-kilometer and 35-kilometer marks — faster than any human being can run. "Not even the world record holder can go that fast," race director Mark Milde said.

Maybe this guy needs to hire Marion Jones as his conditioning coach.

I almost don't want to say anything for fear of jinxing the team, but the Rockies may be for real.  I mean, they have won 17 of their last 18 games.  That might be enough to finally erase the futility of following this club for the previous 14 seasons.  But there's always this nagging doubt in the back of my mind, that this is really an elaborate illusion and we'll soon be watching 15-12 contests at Coors Field again and the Monforts will jettison Matt Holliday and Brad Hawpe and spend $80 million in the off-season to acquire a "veteran" pitcher (read: some noodle-armed also-ran who will double his career ERA after one month¹ and end up getting busted trolling for hookers on Colfax²) to "get them to the next level."

It could happen.  Again.

Oh, what the hell.  Who cares?  GO ROX!  Bring on the D-backs.

¹ Not Mike Hampton, but it was close.  He went from a 2.90 ERA in 1999 and 3.14 in 2000 to 5.41 and 6.15 the following two seasons with Colorado.

² Denny Neagle.  Seriously.

When Rockies manager Clint Hurdle pulled Franklin Morales after just three innings and substituted a pinch hitter, two things could happen: the pinch hitter (Seth Smith, a September call-up who earned a spot on the playoff roster for his pinch-hitting prowess) would strike out or ground out, ending the inning, and Hurdle would look like an idiot.  Or Smith could hit a three-run homer, and Hurdle would look like a genius.

Or maybe Smith would hit a weak single to load the bases with two outs, and Phillies manager Charlie Manuel would replace his own starter with Kyle Lohse . . . who would promptly give up a grand slam.  To Kaz Matsui.  6-3, Rockies after four.  Now Manuel looks like the idiot.

Jesus.  You think the Rockies aren't charmed now?

Oh, and Charlie: you're fired.

If you think the government is the only entity capable of bureaucratic fuckwittery, here's your reality check:

Just hours after Oklahoma football recruit Herman Mitchell was shot to death Friday in Houston, Adam Fineberg started raising money for Mitchell's family.

But after raising $4,500, enough to cover almost half the cost of Mitchell's funeral, Fineberg stopped. An OU compliance officer told him his actions would constitute an NCAA rules violation against the Sooners.

Now, Mitchell's mother likely will never receive that money.

That money is considered illegal financial assistance under NCAA rules because Mitchell's brother is a sophomore fullback at Westfield High School in Spring, Texas, and because Fineberg is an OU fan who attends Sooner football games and solicited donations through an OU fan Web site.

Because the Rules Must Be Enforced.  Fuck the NCAA.  The patina of respectability wore off of big-time college football long ago anyway.  Division 1 football exists to make a shitload of money for schools, all the while attempting to uphold the nobility of the "student-athlete" by preventing poor inner city kids from making a buck or two to help out their families.  What a farce.  What galling hypocrisy.

Fuck the NCAA, and fuck OU for lacking the balls to ignore a stupid rule and do what's right.

Sorry, Mark.  I guess all your money still can't buy you a championship NBA team.  And to have the Mavericks' asses handed to them by their former coach and GM.  Poetic justice!

Suck it, Cuban.

Tim Hardaway, king of the crossover and Archie Bunker protégé:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known.  I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people.  I'm homophobic."

Gasp!  I would never have guessed.  But, you know, give him credit for being so upfront about it.  Most homophobes would never use the term to describe themselves.  They usually shuffle their feet and recite "research" about the link between homosexuality and pedophilia, or "it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. . . ."

"I don't like it.  It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States."

Uh-oh, Tim.  It seems like we have an infestation!  Better get the Jesus aerosol and start spraying the gay away!

"First of all, I wouldn't want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that is right. I don't think he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room."

Don't worry, Tim.  The homos are too busy scoping the towel boys to be interested in your shapely ass.  Just hang on tight to that soap in the shower; you'll be fine.

I can't really be shocked by Hardaway's comments.  When it comes to uncomfortable topics like drug use and homosexuality, pro sports are just as insular as the military, if not more so.  And ignorance among NBA players, many of whom have barely more than a high school education, is nothing new.  Remember the flap caused by Karl Malone when he said he couldn't play on the same court as Magic Johnson, who had revealed he was HIV-positive?  Malone's comments have been blamed for forcing Johnson's early retirement.

I'm willing to invoke Heinlein's Razor and attribute Malone's comments to ignorance of a disease that in 1991 was still very poorly understood.  Hardaway deserves no such leniency.  He's a fucking bigot, although I do appreciate that he shared his bigotry with the rest of us.  I'm sure a lot of pro athletes appreciate it as well.  It allows them to keep their mouths shut, so that fans can continue pretending Hardaway's views are an aberration among their heroes.

(thanks to flainn for reminding me of this)

I woke up this morning to the news that Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams was killed in a drive-by shooting early this morning.

No word on motive yet, although a Rocky Mountain News story says that there was an altercation at a club where several Broncos had attended a New Year's Eve party.  Or maybe someone had just lost a whole bunch of money on a bet that the Broncos would make the playoffs. . . .

Yeah.  Happy New Year.  Jesus.

Carmelo Anthony may be a question, but now the Denver Nuggets have The Answer.

I was all ready to unload the boomstick on Isiah Thomas, that smirking punk-ass bitch, for getting off scot-free following the melee at Madison Square Garden on Saturday, which cost the Nuggets their best player (and the league's leading scorer) for 15 games, even though it was painfully obvious to everyone except NBA commissioner David Stern that Thomas ordered the code red that triggered the brawl.  Not that Carmelo didn't deserve his penalty.  He fucked up, no matter how satisfying it was to see him pop Mardy Collins, Thomas' designated goon.  The fight might have died down at that point if Melo hadn't gone 2Pac on Collins' ass.  At 22, Anthony is still learning to think before he acts.

He earned his suspension, no matter how damaging it may be to the Nuggets' season.  I guess I'll have to settle for Thomas being forced to coach the thugs, underachievers and playground rejects currently wearing New York Knicks uniforms as suitable punishment.  Unfortunately the Knicks don't play Denver again this season, so that smarmy, smirking little toad won't find out what it's really like to run up the score.

Because now, you see, the Nuggets have, or will have once Melo returns, the two top scorers in the league.  I'm not sure of when the last time that happened—Jordan and Pippen, maybe?  Magic and Kareem?  Add to that mix J. R. Smith, who's the best outside shooter Denver has seen in years, and now you've got three guys on the floor who can fill it up every night.

This will be fun.  And admittedly, it could be a disaster.  Iverson will have the next 14 games to show Denver fans what he's all about.  Once Smith and Anthony return, there's really no telling what their on-court chemistry will be like.  Iverson has long been accused of being a ball hog, mostly by fans and the media.  And he does shoot a lot; with a career 42% field-goal average, he has to in order to score that many points.  But he also penetrates and creates all sorts of havoc inside the lane, and now he's got real shooters to kick the ball out to.  If everything clicks, the Nuggets could be unstoppable.  But if not . . .

I've long thought of AI as a punk.  Not like Isiah Thomas, who's almost universally despised in the league and has mostly skated on his reputation as a Hall of Fame player.  Thomas has left nearly every place he's been a shambles; he literally ran the Continental Basketball Association into bankruptcy.  Iverson meanwhile is generally well-liked by other players.  But he's been a problem child for coaches and his off-court brushes with the law are well-documented.  And let's not even get started on his stillborn rap album.

We'll know soon enough if this is the move that puts the Nuggets over the top.  Actually, it already puts the team over the top in terms of payroll; Iverson is now their highest-paid player, and Kenyon Martin will earn nearly $12 million this season to rehabilitate yet another knee injury.  (Ironically, the underachieving Knicks have by far the biggest payroll in the NBA.)  About the only guarantee the Nuggets have is that they, and their fans, are about to go on one wild ride.

The late, legendary Billy Martin is apparently alive and well and managing in Asheville.  Watch the video; it's quite a performance.

"When will the real umpires show up? That's what I want to know. ... I just wish the umpire's association would train their young men to have a personality. I could get two mannequins at Sears and umpire better than what I saw this whole series."

Hahaha.  Get this guy his own radio show!

We haven't cracked double-digits in temperature along the Front Range, but it's been in the mid-30s up in the mountains.  Gotta love those temperature inversions.  I left early this morning to get a haircut, and it was -9°.  Now it's -2°.  It's downright balmy, I tell ya!

And the cold, combined with a natural gas shortage, resulted in rolling blackouts during the morning.  Screw the air quality; gimme those coal-fired power plants!  Better than freezing to death because your stupid furnace loses power.

From the blame-the-victim news desk: In Italy, it's no big deal if a girl is raped if she isn't a virgin.  This should come as no surprise considering the same court ruled that a woman could not have been raped because she was wearing skin-tight jeans.  How much longer before Italy follows Islam's lead and just starts stoning women for adultery?

So much for the greater social enlightenment of Europe.

Fraud-e Miller: Bode is now oh-for-three in his alpine skiing events at Torino after muffing a gate on the super-G, and he says medals aren't that important.  Fine, then why are you taking up space on the team, you fucking fraud?  Can we now stop caring about what this drunk-ass punk says or does?

Nice silver, Lindsey!

The video streaming on NBC's Olympics Web site leaves something to be desired.  I wanted to see video of an American woman luger's crash today, which was supposed to be quite spectacular, but there's something wrong with the playback window (perhaps because they're using Windows Media Player, or because I'm using Firefox).  There were actually several big crashes during the women's luge today.

This led me to realize why I prefer the Winter Games to the Summer Games: the potential for catastrophe on ice and snow is much higher.  I'm a morbid type; I like to watch sports, but I really like to watch people colossally fuck up while competing.  With few exceptions, there just isn't enough speed in most summer Olympic events to satisfy my craving for carnage.

This is why I think NBC could make a metric fuck-ton of money by marketing a DVD catering to my interests.  I can't believe I'm the only one who enjoys crashes, falls and monster hits.  You know they'll be offering Torino's Greatest Moments on DVD about 14 seconds after the closing ceremonies (in fact you can pre-order it already); why not Torino's Greatest Fuck-ups?  Damn near every event, except maybe curling and cross-country skiing, can yield a motherlode of catastrophes: luge, skeleton, bobsled, alpine skiing, snowboarding, ice hockey, speed skating.

Even figure skating can be an eye-opener.  Did you see the pairs' free skate last night?  (Go ahead, laugh, you fuckers; I enjoy watching it.)  This Chinese skater landed on the ice in a split while trying to nail a quadruple Salchow.  That hurt just watching it.  Amazingly, after she took a moment to rest, she and her partner finished their program—and won the silver medal.  That's gutsy.

Anyway, I'd be all over a DVD of the greatest Olympic crashes, fuck-ups and beatdowns.  The rest of it has just become so predictable anyway.

I just switched over to the Super Bowl in time for the team introductions, and this is totally a home game for the Steelers.  I mean, the boos that greeted the Seahawks as they entered the stadium were thunderous.  That alone should give you an indication of how this game might go.

Also, those of you living in Denver may recognize the voice of the public address announcer during the game.  It belongs to Alan Roach, a reporter for KOA radio and a regular as the PA announcer for Rockies and Avalanche home games.  He's also going to be in Turin to announce the men's Olympic hockey tournament.

Edit [5:41 PM]: Oh, I think the Steelers were just handed their first touchdown, complete with happy-face giftwrap and a little bow on top.

I know everyone was glued to the AFC/NFC championship games and missed Kobe Bryant hanging 81 FUCKING POINTS on Toronto today.  I mean, his line is just sick: 28-46 from the floor, seven 3-pointers, 18-20 from the line.  I'm amazed he even had two assists.  Why pass the ball when you score 23 fewer points than the entire opposing team?

Just to put it in perspective, the NBA single-game record is Wilt Chamberlain's 100 points in 1962, when the league wasn't televised.  Only four players (Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, David Robinson and Denver's David Thompson) have scored more than 70.  Even Michael Jordan, arguably the game's greatest player, maxed out at 69.

If that's not enough for you, Seattle and Phoenix pretended they were playing in the old ABA for a day, with the SuperSonics winning 152-149 in double overtime.  They combined for a league-record 32 3-pointers.

And the Nuggets beat San Antonio.  All the hype surrounding the Donkeys the past few weeks have overshadowed the fact that Carmelo Anthony is finally playing like the superstar everyone expected him to be.

The Broncos did what again?

So the Broncos pulled it out, knocking off the defending champs.  Considering that everyone thought this was the "worst-case" match-up for Denver, they acquitted themselves well, despite playing a pretty sloppy game on offense.  That made Pittsburgh's defeat of Indy that much sweeter; now the Steelers come to Denver, and while it won't be an easy game, home field advantage finally seems to mean something at Invesco Field.  Then again, it should have meant something for the Colts too, but it couldn't save them in the end.  For all of their talent, for all of the galaxy-class abilities of Peyton Manning, Indy has not proved that they are a Super Bowl-caliber team.  The teams that respond well to pressure are the ones playing next weekend, and note that only one of them (Seattle) is a top seed.  Two of them (Pittsburgh and Carolina) have had to win twice on the road, and will have to do it again to make to the Super Bowl.  Next Sunday will be a lot of fun.

Time to show your true colors, football fans. . . .

Poll #653241 cluebyfour's random poll, playoff edition
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Who will win the NFC championship?

Who will win the AFC championship?

And the winner of Super Bowl XL will be . . . ?